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Maybe they once did. Kind of. A coach. A teacher. But way too often people will shrug their shoulders, wish they could find a mentor, don’t, and then give up that longing for awhile. Life settles, and that longing for mentoring gets tucked away. or sucked away, in the busyness of life.
Primary Mentors
Of course, an in-person, live, breathing mentor will seem like the best way to go. Most of us, some time in our lives, have longed for that kind of person to be involved with who we are and who we are becoming.
These saints who will care for you and others in a focused, selfless way I call Primary Mentors. These men and women will commit to regular, consistent, in-person (or use Skype of FaceTime) opportunities to share in the life of someone seeking mentoring.
Currently I am mentoring an age range of people from 22 to 62. These emerging leaders live on four different continents. All have asked for mentoring. Some were hesitant to ask. Some were extra bold. All welcome.
There is that true thought out of Africa that it takes a village to raise a child. So it is with mentoring. I tell the men and women who seek me out that I can be a Primary Mentor, but as I get to know their life, we need to be open to others forming a circle of safety around them as we address their needs and dreams. Some times another person will certainly be a better Primary Mentor than me.
Here at Leadership Design Group we have a way of thinking about people, ourselves and others, that naturally guides what takes place as a Primary Mentor. The Circle of Life Mentoring Model we will be sharing in future posts.
Distance Mentors
Truth be known, some times there is not a person available to be a Primary Mentor in a person’s life. For those good souls, I tell them that they are not without mentoring.
Distance Mentors I define as people who have had or will have influence on us through books, music, film, art, etc. In my personal library are the books of men and women who have had profound impact on my life. I will never meet them, most likely, but their creative wisdom, their personal stories have informed my own needs, hopes and dreams. They have been welcome guides on this journey called life. This I welcome passing on to others.
People who know me best tease me that I must have a book, or song, or film for everything. My response is, “Not quite. But if we need to, we can find something that will help you get where you need to go to further grow into who you were designed to be.” Novels. Stories on film. Informational, instructional books. Poetry. Music that touches the soul. You have more Distance Mentors in your life than you might imagine.
We may not ever know the authors, composers, actors, but all of these vehicles, these individuals, are waiting to mentor us, to nudge us forward with our lives, if we will be alert to their influence. Thus, consider this question for yourself: what authors, books, other literature, films, music has influenced your own life, decade by decade? These have been some of your Distance Mentors.
Peer Mentors
Obviously different than a Primary Mentor are people we know. Friends. Work colleagues. Neighbors. People at church or your work out facility.
Also obvious, not everyone we know will be a Peer Mentor. As with Primary Mentors and Distance Mentors, trust is a huge factor in what we share of our lives and what we glean from these valued people.
Reflecting in the pre-dawn hours of the day this is being written, I find myself full of deep gratitude for all three categories of mentors in my own life. The Peer Mentors in my own life are men and women I know. I know their “stuff.” They know mine. We are for each other, on call, when needed. We have verbally affirmed that we may call any time.
These individuals do not take the place of Primary Mentors. A few of them are authors, musicians, actors I’ve the privilege of knowing, thus their own work has inspired me, and others, as Distance Mentors.
I know these amazing souls as the men and women they are before knowing them for what they do. I know them for who they are. They know me for who I am. I’ve called some of them at all hours. They have done the same with me. Most I’ve known for years now.
You are not without the possibility of being mentored:
You and I need all three categories of mentors in our life. It may take some effort to find them, or recognize them as mentors. Who have been, or are, or you would like to be a Primary Mentor? Who are your own Distance Mentors of influence on you? Who are your “go to” Peer Mentors, and for whom are you one, as well?
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