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The need, hope, demand for good mentors is on the increase. But often people simply do not know where to begin to look.
Here at Leadership Design Group, the mentoring we do and train others to do is for the whole person. We talk about life in 8 Dimensions. We believe that good mentorship is intentional. We know that anyone can become a mentor, a good one, in one’s own sphere’s of influence.
Who do you respect for how they are living their own life?
In my own life, I sought out mentoring from those I knew and respected for how they were living their own lives. I needed to trust them. I needed to see in them a genuine character of living well, not to impress, but to be involved with others.
When looking for a mentor you need to find someone you like. That may seem way obvious, but if you are going to have a mentoring friendship, you need to like who they are. You also need to sense that they like you.
Who are you willing to trust with the best and worst of you?
Mentoring is not counseling (although the rich sharing of counsel is an important part). These are not therapy sessions. If that is what is needed, then a trained counselor needs to be sought out.
That said, we all have the upsides and downsides of our lives. Is the mentor you are seeking to be a part of your life willing to share life with you? In time, are you going to be willing to share all of your own story with them?
Who comes to mind with the thought, “I’d like to spend time with them talking about life?”
Want and need are two different words. However, I ask someone seeking my mentoring friendship, “What is it you may want from me? What is it you sincerely need from me?” It is important for you, the mentoree, to have thought through that as you seek out a mentor. What do you want from your mentor (don’t hold back here…)? What do you seriously need from a mentor at this moment in your life?
Here in this blog you will find our definition of the Circle of Life—life in those 8 Dimensions mentioned above. These are “essence definitions.” They are not meant to be exhaustive.
However, as you consider your own life from those definitions ponder these questions as you consider seeking a mentor:
- Where are you strong and not so strong in your own life?
- Where do you need to be growing?
- How would you like to be growing in each dimension?
- What do you both long to be and need to be learning in each part of your life?
- In what ways are you willing to invest the time it takes to be well-mentored?
- Again, who comes to mind as a possible mentor?
- What is it about their life that you admire and hope for in your own life?
OK, when will you connect with that person to explore mentoring?
Most people you know are busy. A good mentor will let you know how if they have the time it will take to walk forward with you in your life. However, it is important for you to pre-think about what you are wanting, needing and the time you will be willing to commit. That will help your mentor say “yes” or “no.”
Some people I mentor about every 10 days. Some every other week. Some every three weeks. Some once a month. One man I mentor every six weeks, and that mentoring moment lasts for up to three hours, predetermined each time we set some schedule.
It is important for you to suggest the amount of time to your potential mentor, and to let him/her make the final call on what time they have available. How often are you hoping for? Let them know up front.
I also find that the best of mentoring, whether in person, on the phone or using Skype or FaceTime, the most productive amount of mentoring takes place in about 90 minutes. There is no magic to that time frame, You both need to be agreed to the time frame that works best for you, together, and stick to it.
Have a person in mind? Encourage them to read the next blog post…
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