Woman walking

Who I Want to Be When I Grow Up

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I watched as a room full of rowdy 8th graders took the stage. An adventuresome, excited presence filled the room as each kid glided across the floor as their name was called to be given a diploma and a “congratulations its time for high school” handshake.

With each name called came a sentence or two about whom they wanted to be or what they were looking forward to as they entered the next phase of life. I tried my hardest to keep my expressions to myself as each one was read. Some were too funny to not smirk and laugh, while others so naively spoken, my heart hurt for the reality of what their first day of high school would bring.

I had to put myself in their shoes, to remember what it was like to be asked the same question and not have twenty eight years of life experiences to taint it. To remember what it was like to be young and naive and ready to take on the world!

As I stared at these kids I could see how the young, awkward middle school Holly would have filled in the blank with some of the same answers given that provided prestigious job titles that commanded
respect and awe from those who listened.

How can a question with such juvenile intentions pursue us all our lives?

Almost fifteen years later, and the biggest lesson I have learned is that who I am is not based on what I do. In a culture that defines itself by success, this was not the easiest lesson to learn. In fact, it’s a continual daily challenge as I play the role of a stay at home mom whose job goes unnoticed most of the day.

As this question has followed me into the First3rd and now almost into the Second3rd of my life, its time to get real about the answer.

When I grow up I want to be Uniquely ME.

I can no longer try and fit the mold of matching someone else’s success, to be defined by what a prestigious title holds. Every passing year is providing an opportunity to be a little bit more comfortable in my own skin, to see what God is calling me to do (big and small) and follow that daily.

As this question has resurfaced in my life demanding an answer, there are two ways I’ve seen how I am becoming uniquely me.

The first is by the people who surround me. With intentionality, I have people in my life who I “look up to” desire to be like, learn from, and receive encouragement from. It’s these people who want to see me live my life to its full potential while reminding me that who I am is not wrapped up in achievements. I am learning what it means to be the ultimate child disciple maker by Jane, the best barre teacher by Briget, the compassionate friend by Laura, the forgiving wife by my Mom and the listening mentor by Wes. These relationships are the ones that are irreplaceable in my life at this very moment in learning who I am and who I want to be.

The second way is by taking the posture of a student. One reality I have learned is that walking across a stage at any level of schooling does not make you an expert at anything. Life is an adventure, one that filled with mistakes, achievements, good decisions and bad. I must always see myself as a student who is ready to learn. Just like the giddy star struck eight graders I watched glide across the stage I must have an eagerness for what is next. If I’m not willing to learn, how will I continue to mold into who God has created me to be? One of my favorite quotes is this one by Leo Tolstoy, “Everyone thinks about changing the world but nobody thinks about changing himself.” May the reality of this statement never ring true in my life.

As I write this blog post there is no “ah-ha moment” or glamorous answer to the question above. Just honesty followed by a woman whose life experiences are leading me to write a beautiful story that is uniquely mine, learning how to be uniquely me.

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