[blox_row][blox_column width=”1/1″][blox_heading title=”“If I had known how much fun grandchildren were, I would have had them first…”” size=”h3″ style=”style5″ animation=”none”][/blox_heading][blox_text animation=”none”]
An old joke, it remains in currency because each generation comes to understand it anew when entering the Grand-parenting scene as we did ten years ago. Being a grandparent is a delight and privilege. As with most privileges, though, the task comes with deep responsibility. In developing these young lives, why does being a grandparent offer special affinity available in no other relationship? What are the keys to mentoring grandchildren? Here are some thoughts.
A Grandparent’s Special Rapport
No relationship is quite like that of a grandparent with his or her grandchild. Many phenomena underlie this truth; here are three we find compelling:
- We grandparents have that close family bond like no other but normally without the main responsibility for discipline and enforcement of rules and family standards that come with parenting.
For sure, a good grandparent will reinforce and not undermine a parent’s discipline (well…except for the occasional sneak trip out for ice cream—I plead guilty), but that empathetic ear from an older family member who isn’t always keeping the child in line creates a safe space like no other.
- We grandparents often have more time than a parent to operate at a child’s speed and indulge a child’s curiosity. Who as a parent can forget the constant questions of early childhood: “Why…” “What is…” “Why…” “How does…” “Why…” “Why…” “Why…”?
The parent who is busy with several children, a job and keeping a home learns how to answer these questions: “Because I said so. Now let’s go or we will be late.” (My own children probably can quote a few of these). We grandparents often have more time to sit, listen, explain and indulge the “Whys” of childhood.
- At Leadership Design Group, we are intrigued by Roy Williams and Michael Drew’s thoughts in their book, Pendulum. The book describes what I call the “flow of culture” in 40-year cycles between “WE” values and “ME” values. Grandparents and their grandchildren most often come of age on opposite ends of those values (I came of age in the upswing of the culture toward “ME” values. My grandchildren are coming of age in the upswing toward “WE”.)
Despite the opposite set of values, the authors argue there is an affinity between the culture in these times of “upswing”: it is positive, optimistic and gaining momentum. The same is true of a “downswing” from either zenith. The underlying culture will be more negative, pessimistic and losing momentum. Because grandparents and their grandchildren often are formed in the same direction of this “flow of culture,” they may see the world in similar ways that the generation in the middle does not.
Mentoring Grandchildren
Given this unique relationship, we grandparents have a special opportunity to mentor those young children who call them “Grandma” or “Grandpa” (or the many loveable variations of those terms). Here are three keys to mentoring grandchildren:
- See them as whole people. Each child born into this world is a whole, 8-dimensional person and should be developed in each of those dimensions. It is easy to imagine us developing our grandchildren in the control of their emotions, or in their intellect, creativity or physical bodies; likewise with their social skills and their place as a member of a family.
Even the financial dimension can be taught and demonstrated through the earning and sharing of possessions. Likewise, we can develop the vocational dimension by identifying and encouraging those unique skills that may underlie a child’s calling in life. They are whole people and we need to see them that way.
- Work hard on their core. Early in life, children form their views of what is true and particularly what is true about themselves and their relationship to others in their world. Who of us has not struggled with some view of ourselves planted early in life from an unkind word of someone close to us, or by some trauma in our life? In the same way, we have all been encouraged by some good word or positive experience as a child.
We grandparents can play a pivotal role in teaching our grandchildren what is true and in reinforcing the truth about themselves—or correcting the lies often introduced early in life.
- Practice the Third3rd roles of Generativity and Guardianship. We will have more to say about these in a future post. For now, we can say this: we who have this role have a unique opportunity to reproduce ourselves in younger generations, especially in our grandchildren.
Likewise, we have a unique responsibility as guardians of our culture: teaching and retaining what is enduring and good even while the circumstances and tools of a culture change and modernize.
Grandparents play a very unique role in the lives of those with whom we have this sacred, unique and privileged relationship. The role requires our attention, perhaps even mentoring from others on being the best grandparents we can be (after all, we’ve never done this before).
Done well, grand-parenting provides a crucial link in the long chain that links generations, sustains knowledge and culture, and forms lives.
[/blox_text]