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Have you ever heard someone say that—or something like it? It emanates from what we think is a skewed view of mentoring in our culture: mentoring is for children, adolescents and young people just starting out. This view is insufficient. Mentoring adults is essential for seeing them develop and thrive through all Three3rds of their lives.
In the past several posts, we identified and explored the First3rd of life: those crucial ages of 0-30 when we are formed at our core and in every one of the 8 Dimensions of our lives.
We defined the First3rd and helped you, our loyal and treasured readers, think through how to develop children, adolescents and emerging adults through intentional, deep-change, whole-life, transformational mentoring.
In our culture’s language, we can understand mentoring children and young people. Much of the popular mentoring culture is aimed at these young people in their First3rd of life.
But what does mentoring mean for mature adults?
The Second3rd of Life
In our Three3rds of Life model, the Second3rd spans the middle decades of approximately 30-60 years of age. These are the years we should reach understanding of our purpose in life, our calling, our vocation (as opposed to our occupation). They are also the decades during which we attain to the preponderance of what we will achieve in that purpose.
To be sure, our life does not end with the close of its Second3rd (stay tuned to these pages for more on the intriguing Third3rd of Life). But it is the 3rd during which we are at the height of our productivity, our efficiency, and our fruitfulness.
We see this 3rd developing through two ages: Realization, ages 30-45, and Accomplishment, ages 45-60. As with the rest of our model, these ages are general and approximate.
Realization
In the Age of Realization, young adults reach a deeper understanding of and embrace their purpose: why they are on the earth and who they want to become in life.
For some, this realization crystallizes who they are and where they are going. They embrace and are energized by the realization.
For others the realization can be disappointing…perhaps demoralizing: “I’ll never be an astronaut and fly to the moon…”
For all of us, though, we come to a much deeper understanding of what our life will look like in this age. Clear focus is crucial to living well into the future.
Accomplishment
In the Age of Accomplishment, more mature adults achieve much of what they will accomplish in life. This of course does not mean that we accomplish nothing before or after this age. Not in today’s world. But as we progress through this 3rd of our lives, this decade and a half usually contains most of the heights to which we might attain.
If parents, we launch our children into adulthood. We achieve most of what we will achieve in professional or occupational life. We reach the height of creativity and innovation. We begin to see what difference we will have made on this earth.
Mentoring Adults in the Second3rd
Many in their Second3rd become captured by the present: the compound concerns of occupation, family, finances and age can work together to trap our minds in the present: how will I get through the day? How will we survive to the next paycheck?
This age can stifle earlier dreams of the future and inhibit creativity and intellectual curiosity. The best of mentors will understand this and find ways to help his or her mentoree navigate these years and continue to grow, develop, dream and thrive. Let’s look at the best of mentoring in these two ages:
Realization
A mentor in the age of realization will help the mentoree be intentional about “realization”: vocation, family, his or her social world, finances, intellect, emotions, finances and creativity should all be aimed at that purpose, creating goals that will bring fulfillment to life.
A mentor will want to probe into every dimension of life to ensure none is neglected and all are continuing to be stretched, developed and flourishing.
Mentors should also be prepared to help deal with the beginnings of mid-life “blahs” and the emergence of life disappointments. They should be prepared to help those they mentor understand they need not be defined—or set back—by mid-life disappointments.
The best of mentors will help those they mentor steer through the disappointments of this age while embracing and rejoicing in the person a mentoree is becoming. The goal, as always is a thriving and whole person.
Accomplishment
As with the Age of Realization, a mentor should be prepared to help deal with the beginnings of disappointment—maybe panic—that might result from accomplishments dreamed of but now not achievable. “I’ll never earn a place on the New York Symphony Orchestra.” “I’ll never be promoted to Vice President of my company.”
A mentor will help those in this stage of life rejoice in what has been accomplished, mourn for what is not accomplished, but not be defined by either. A mentor will help a mentoree continue to grow, develop and explore all they are as a whole person and what they can continue to be.
The best of mentors, in addition to walking the paths of this phase of life, will also use this period to help those they mentor prepare for the Third 3rd of life.
At Leadership Design Group, We Design Leaders Through Mentorship. This task is never complete. None of us ever reach a completely developed leader in this life. We progress. We advance through the Three3rds of Life. At every turn and in every age we seek to explore and discover where we are flourishing and where we have neglected our whole life.
In the Second3rd, the best of mentors will understand the ages their mentorees are facing. They will help mentorees understand their purpose and help them weave all they are into an ever more intricate tapestry with all 8 Dimensions woven into a healthy and flourishing life aimed at a well-defined purpose.
If you are interested in learning more about developing leaders in this way, we invite you to join us on the journey.
What is your best memory—good or not-so-good—in the ages of realization and accomplishment? What are your hopes for those ages? Leave us your thoughts in the comments below, we’d love the dialogue.
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