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Paying it forward by walking alongside of someone who is not as far along life’s path can be a life changing or direction altering decision—both for you and the one you are mentoring. The following thoughts may help you decide whether mentoring and a specific mentoring relationship is right for you and your mentoree.
What does all this mean….?
Has the person seeking to be mentored reached a point in life where he or she is asking questions that sound a little like this: “Really…? There must be something more!” Seasons of challenge or questioning life’s direction represent a time when someone is ripe for a mentoring relationship.
Your job, of course, is not to give your mentorees “the answer’” but to listen, reflect, and ask questions that help them explore and discover who they are becoming and how to take the next steps. For the mentor, recognizing that a prospective mentoree is questioning or searching can be an important clue to readiness for a mentoring relationship.
Willing to seek out and ask to be mentored
One challenge for mentoring relationships is how committed the mentoree will be to the process. Good mentoring takes time, planning and effort on both sides of the relationship, but reaching upfront this crucial meeting of the minds will help avoid this common commitment pitfall.
A mentor should also include a frank discussion about what the person seeking mentoring wants to gain from the relationship, the logistics of future interactions and clear reciprocal commitments. I try to avoid pursuing potential mentorees if their words or actions indicate they are not ready.
Knowing you are not alone through crisis or circumstance
We all experience difficult times where life seems to throw more than we can handle. These circumstances can be tender and important times for mentoring. Crisis or challenge present unique opportunities for learning and healing, but usually require some level of humility or brokenness to open the ears of our soul.
A wise mentor will discern the right time to begin the relationship in this cycle. Also, remember that our own trials and heartbreak can give us unique perspective and empathy for those going through similar situations.
Being ready to take a look under the hood
If a potential mentoree is asking questions like, “Why do I do the things I do?” or “Why can’t I change this or that?” he or she is likely ready for mentoring. A skillful mentor can help those courageous enough to look deep into their lives discover who they are, and what core beliefs drive or inform their views and actions.
Mentoring someone who is ready to “look under the hood” is a great privilege. This relationship can lead to a significant process of discovery and also ignite periods of substantial growth.
Desiring to be a better leader or mentor
At LDG, we encourage all people who are being mentored to consider others whom they in turn can mentor, we call this ‘pass it on, pay it forward’. Someone who has a passion for leading or mentoring others is likely ready for mentoring.
Both active and passive learning can occur in a mentoring relationship. A good mentor will challenge those they spend time with to prepare themselves to mentor and lead others.
A genuine heart for others, solid listening skills, and skillful open-ended questioning are all critical skills for good mentors. At the same time, these are great attributes for anyone seeking to be a better leader in any environment.
Understanding the value of mentoring
We all have many relationships and all too often “W.I.I.F.M?” interferes with the environment necessary for Intentional, Deep-Change, Whole-Life, Transformational mentoring.
A mentoree can ruin a mentoring relationship by seeking quick answers to some problem, or seeing it as a leg up to advancement in life. On the other hand, a mentor’s overextended desire to solve problems, fix someone, or share their own story can also cripple a mentoring relationship.
Both mentors and mentorees who have a clear understanding of the differences from other relationships and the value of life-giving, Intentional, Deep-Change, Whole-Life, Transformational mentoring can put the relationship on the on-ramp towards future success.
Did you figure out W.I.I.F.M…? “What’s in it for me…….?”
Seeking to navigate a major transition or change
Sometimes mentoring can take on a short, intense cadence. This can be the case when a specific life change (new job, marriage, retirement, major financial decision, etc.) is near. The mentoring relationship in this case may benefit from specific skills or experience in the mentor. The mentoree should be clear as to the timeframe, goals, and expectations of the interaction.
It just clicks!
Finally, it may be that an informal interaction leaves both of you wishing for more time to continue the dialog, or a 2 1/2 hour conversation felt like it was 10 minutes long; these might just be clues that a mentoring relationship is forming. The other mentioned steps to get started on the right foot are still valuable, but both of you just might know it after the first interaction.
Discuss it, be intentional, and then take the plunge!
In summary, there are many reasons and many motivations for a mentoring relationship to begin. Mentoring takes an intentional commitment on both parties’ parts. A mentor who sees clear readiness in those who seek him or her out for mentoring and who sets a clear understanding of expectations will mitigate several potential problems down the road.
So what are you waiting for? If the time is right and the person is right for you, take the plunge! Join us in the joy of intentional, deep-change, whole-life, transformational mentoring.
Prepare to see the life of the one you are mentoring experience important change as they grow forward.
Prepare to be changed and growing yourself.
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